I am 36 and considered "advanced maternal age". ( I KNOW....I was shocked that 36 was considered old too!!) We knew from the beginning we had a slightly higher risk of having a child with chromosomal issues. This is something we discussed and decided to have the testing done. Not that we would ever do anything to terminate our pregnancy, but being a nurse I knew it would be best to know any health issues before delivery. I went to the ultrasound/blood-test not worried at all. I simply saw it as an opportunity to see that sweet baby on the screen again. The ultrasound tech made several pictures and informed my doctor would be in touch . I left feeling overly confident that our baby was "perfect".
Four days later my phone rings, its my OBGYN. He says "We have your test results and there is an increased chance your baby has chromosomal issues. 1 in 16 in fact." "As you know, with chromosomal issues come some major internal issues that could effect not only the quality of life but quantity of life". Being a hospice nurse, this is a statement I have used often with family that is questioning if giving "Momma" another dose of morphine is the right thing to do. I knew he was saying that our child may not live past delivery. He then started talking about I had options to terminate the pregnancy, sending me to Vanderbilt if I chose to carry on with the pregnancy. I know he said more but I couldn't tell you what. I just needed to get off the phone.....I couldn't breath.
Please PLEASE understand that 1) Terminating our pregnancy was NEVER an option. God has a purpose for this baby and this pregnancy. 2) Having a child with Downs Syndrome doesn't upset me. I have always had a special understanding and love for DS. But we weren't just talking about DS, he was talking from DS to much more severe.
The thought of my child being in pain for a lifetime or the agony of loosing a child shortly after birth was more than I could fathom. I was beside myself...... How could this be?!? All I could do was research what this meant and cry. I took this DR at his word, MY CHILD HAD CHROMOSOMAL ANOMALIES. Being a take charge, type A personality, I had to arm myself with best and worse case scenarios. Off to the Internet I went, this was a REALLY BAD IDEA.
It wasn't till much later that day I prayed. It was more of a crying out to GOD in pain.....this is the blessed child we had prayed for and had surgery to have. The very child that when I went up for prayer for the first time thanking God, I was told this child was complete joy. After all my pleading I heard God say, "I know the plans I have for you". I knew this was a passage so I looked it up and it was Him speaking directly to me.
Jeremiah 29:11
God knew his plans for our family. Not one second of worry was going to change this outcome. I had an amazing supernatural peace come over me. That was it. I'm not going to say I didn't cry about it again, because I did, I'm human and I needed to grieve. But something had changed. I WAS NOT going to speak this diagnosis over my child. I was going to speak life into him!! I told two people exactly what the doctor said so they could pray specifically for healing and I ask for general prayer for a negative test result to my friends at church. I wasn't going to say it out loud anymore!!! I DID NOT ACCEPT THIS!!!
My OBGYN called back two days later to tell me about a test that would show 100% if there were issues, though he felt "confident" that something wasn't "right". I spent the next 2 weeks not sure if I wanted to know anymore. What if God had something planned that was outside of what the results of this test would tell us? After a lot of prayer (and of course research) we decided to have the test done. Our rationale was the same as from the beginning. It was best to be prepared at delivery for any issues our baby may have.
I had the blood test and had to wait two weeks for the results. My faith was tested a few times during this period but He was quick to remind me, "I still know the plans I have for you, not to harm but for hope and a future". There was a plaque in an antique store with Jeremiah 29:11 on it. Our friends from Ohio came to visit and brought a gift for the baby with the same passage on it. It was all I could do to keep it together when they gave it to us. In fact, I ask her if I had told her about this passage in any way. Of course I hadn't, it was my Father saying, I've got this.
Weeks passed before the phone rang...it was the doctor. He started with "I have amazing news Heather, the test came back negative! You have a healthy baby boy!" Wait...what?!?! I ask him what did he mean, he was "positive" before there was an issue, how could everything be OK now? That's when he explained how it was a "false positive" and our baby was healthy. I thanked him, hung up and Praised GOD!! Not only because our child was healthy but because HE was faithful and never left me. That even in my weakness He knew the plans He had for us. He rewarded my faithfulness with comfort. I praised Him in the storm believing whatever the outcome, HE KNEW what he had planned for us all.
I have to wonder how many times in my life have I believed I was hearing the truth and reacted, only to find out it was a false-positive. I am thankful I have Him to worry about all the "truths" of this world.
